It’s a beautiful Tuesday morning. And in walks this lady who from all indications has been dragged into my office by the friend she has accompanied. Her story is an interested one. She has been separated from her husband for a few months. Her husband slapped her when they argued over a DSTV remote control.
Here’s the full story. Due to the economic recession, the man had been out of work for sometime and the woman had taken on the role of breadwinner. One evening the man was watching Channels TV to get updates on the Lawyers vs DSS issue when the wife sauntered into the living room and changed the channel. Immediately, an argument ensured. The lady claimed she had the right to watch her own program because she recharged the Cable with ‘my own money’.
The emphasis is on ‘My Own Money!”
I was speechless! I asked what she meant by ‘my own money’ and she went on and on about how her husband couldn’t give her orders, especially because he was no longer the breadwinner; And this, in her own opinion, is what makes a man a man. His abilities to pay the bills. Then I asked if this was the reason her marriage hit the rocks, she shook her head no. She had walked out of the marriage because of the violence.
There was something consistent in her aura and mindset that struck me. She sounded like a proponent of radical feminism; the political movement that supports hurt and angry women who congregate to destroy men.
It is very difficult to pinpoint the cause of the seeming rise in domestic violence. Is it the recession or the proliferation of selfies, vlogs and new age media? Or has the spread third wave/radical feminism caused an upsurge of incidents? These questions often plague my mind.
Whatever school of thought you follow, ensure that it is one that encourages you to be responsible in your relationships. Women must carefully guard their hearts and minds. Don’t believe the fib that tags all men as demons or irrelevant idiots. Everyone everywhere is advocating against gender-based violence (which looks more like violence against women), and this is a great thing. Infact, I need to add that I’m also an advocate. However, I believe the gender advocacy is not balanced. Hence I foresee a vicious cycle when men will rise up to fight back too.
The lady in question lashed out her husband with her tongue and when he retaliated,she accused him of talking to a woman. So he resorted to swinging his fists. Most men claim that swinging their fists is the only way they know how to respond. No wonder many more women are taking to social media to shout about their relationship woes. Women use their tongue as a defense in expressing their emotions even though some have gone the extra mile to learn how to tame their tongue.
Since most frustrated men have begun responding with their fist, it will be wise for every wife to employ tact in their dealings with their spouses. As difficult as this may sound it’s the truth. The lady admitted to ignoring her spouse’s temperament and peculiarity. Showing understanding and respect would have made it easier to achieve peace.
You challenge your male colleague in the office, but if you want to stay married/be in a relationship with a man, you ought to be tactful and smarter. You can put across your opinions and reasons in the subtlest manner. Most of the time, women have to stoop to conquer.
But the purpose of this article isn’t to support violence against women. In fact, I recognize the cowardice in perpetrators of violence. Men who hit their wives can’t even challenge their female bosses. They understand that there’s a lot at stake. How is it that the woman they profess to love, the woman who has given up her last name for theirs, the woman who gets disfigured having their children, the woman who has even abandoned her career in other to find what works for the family’s sake, is the woman they decide to take for granted? I mean the only reason why they hit the women in their lives is that they haven’t placed any value on them.
Such cowards are the reason women all over the world are fighting back the way they know how. Don’t think for a minute that this revolution of Radical Feminism doesn’t affect you. Your sons could be married to daughters raised by these angry women. No sane man will want his son to be emasculated.
While I counselled the woman, I made sure she understood this principle. Everyone must beware of the popular fallacy that seeks to mock the concept of “the family”. It’s easy to cry on social media and enjoy some moment of fame/sympathy at the expense of your spouse/significant other. Don’t forget the law of Cause and Effects. Verbal and emotional violence is likely to cause physical violence. To thy own self, be true.
In the end, the lady accepted responsibility for her role in ruining the relationship. A DTSV remote control was not worth warring over. This acknowledgement was the first step on her journey to healing her marriage. She and her spouse had to act responsibly by treating each other with love and respect.