Friday, 3 February 2017

Lessons from the ‘Other woman’

Names like Delilah or Jezebel are often reserved for evil women. The bible told scary stories about how the aforementioned women wielded their power.
I have heard the power of a woman being hugely misrepresented as mere bottom power. Women who have walked by this principle understand that there’ll always be that one woman who can outperform the most enthusiastic of porn stars. They also know that a man’s need goes beyond his groin and that he can get sex anywhere and for free for that matter.

So what’s the power of a woman? Consider Toke Makinwa’s story since many people are already familiar with it. On Becoming, her memoir showed one incident of night-club brawl she had with Anita and Maje.

“I ran into Maje at Club 11:45, I was shocked to see him there…….I asked Maje what he was doing there,” Toke wrote, “and he asked me same thing then we started arguing…..Then a girl came up to us [and said,]‘Maj, don’t lose it’ (page 40).

My emphasis is on the girl’s response. What I deduced was a woman who understood her man and the influence she had over him. Anita exuded a calmness and confidence that made Toke look like the mad woman. I have heard people take Anita’s side and it is easy to see why.

 I want you to seek to understand, rather than seek to judge. From Toke’s story, I got a sense that the dude in question was a jerk, but there’s a big lesson to be learned here. And I’m not in any way giving cheaters a getaway or suggesting that women should stomach the excesses of randy men.

Every man/woman is peculiar in their making and communicates different love languages. More often than not, we give the man present in our lives the love language we think he needs instead of understanding his peculiarities. There was a calmness in Anita’s voice that automatically turned the tables and made Toke seem like the intruder. Experience has taught that women don’t ever win that way. If anything, it jeopardizes the woman’s chance of winning. The victim is suddenly made to apologize for something they were right about, just because the wrong approach was taken. I remember getting into a fight with my former boyfriend’s new girlfriend, and the girl beat me silly. I thought she was an Ajebo o. Lol. At the end of the day, my boyfriend of six years (and my first at that) complained that I had embarrassed him and behaved like a thug. And I was fragile and insecure enough to beg for forgiveness.

The first lesson to be learned from the other woman is

    Confidence: This is one quality that many women lack. We can wear all the makeup in the world, wear the best designers and speak the Queen’s English. A predator can smell your lack of confidence and he’ll sell to you what he thinks is your paramount need. E.g. The marriage card. If you’re that vulnerable. Read books that help you build your confidence. Don’t be lazy. Take time to invest in books and audio/video tapes that will educate you on the best way to go about developing yourself. Get help from a professional, if you find it difficult to make progress. Confidence is not given, it’s actively sought and developed. Confidence cannot be sustained from material things. Once those things are lost, depression becomes your neighbor.


    Gentility: It’s not about taking delicate footsteps or anything of the sort. It’s the gentility of the mind and spirit. There is something about a woman’s gentility, which some mistake for weakness. This gentility makes you very unassuming and feared by a man even when you haven’t done anything to him yet. It leaves them in awe of you. Aggression gets you nowhere with a man. We’re emotional beings and it gets even more obvious when we’re in love but the ability to be logical can be learned. When you think before you act, you’re more like to make wiser decisions.

    The strange woman: Make no mistakes about this, there will always be that lonely, devilish woman out there who wants what you have. I’ve heard a lot about the strange woman but nothing about the strange man. The question of your man wanting to be taken and the question of if you made it easy for him to make that choice is talk for another day. Whether we know it or not, even the good, God-fearing men are in constant battle with their minds to keep from cheating on their spouses. The matter is worse now because a piece of handkerchief can make a full gown for the new generation woman such that even when the man doesn’t want, he must want by force. If you love him, he needs your support. Pray that you never encounter that strange woman. If he has already met her, your knees are powerful, use them. It’s hard but the struggle is real.

Finally, it’s important to understand the love language of the man you’ve chosen if not, chances are you may keep moving from relationship to relationship

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