Monday, 6 June 2016

Marriage Isn’t Fireproof, So Get Your Fire Extinguisher Handy Just In Case You Need To Put Out Some Fire


When I started off my career in 2008—both as a professional event planner and an O.A.P—I had some concerns about being famous. One of my major fears was that my chances as a happily married woman were slim. At the time, I saw the number of women who were successful in their careers but had failed in their marriages on the increase; these included women I held in high esteem — celebrity and everyday women.
Worst still, most of the relationship experts I knew were failing at their marriages. I wondered for long and began to research because I’m very passionate about “The Family”—the whole gamut, right from the dating stage to the courtship and then the exchange of marital vows, and of course, the child-bearing stage. And I always hoped to discuss these things as I graduated into the successful relationship expert, I desired to be. Right now, I want to share some of my findings.

My findings revealed, much to my surprise, that some women put in their all and stomached all manner of abuse (and sometimes braved death threats) — just to have a successful career. Yet, these women have refused and have been able to invest 10% of the required energy into their marriages. They will tolerate all manner of insults from their bosses, but can’t stand a simple ‘are you mad?’ from their husbands. It saddens me to see women who succeed in their careers, but fail in their marriages. They tend to be more forgiving to the outsider than to their own husband. I often imagine that their marriages might be saved, if they put that same amount of work into their homes. What if they fought to rekindle the flames of their dying marriages?
I don’t know what it feels like to be divorced, I can only imagine. But I do know the effects of divorce and instability on children because I’m a product of one of such marriages, hence my aforementioned fears. And so I’m writing from the perspective of a child that was once caught in the crossfires. And I hope you find this helpful and make better decisions.
I am often amused by the reactions of most new generation women who are pursuing or have attained a successful career cringe at the sound of the words ‘housewife’. I often laugh and shake my head because they don’t understand what home-keeping entails. If they did, they would appreciate the role of ‘a housewife’.
I understand that no one goes into a marriage with plans to get divorced — at least I would like to think so, but it happens. The inevitability of it for some is what I can’t ascertain for now but let’s be clear. If a life is in danger then I say, choose life over marriage. But if a marriage hasn’t gotten to that point, then perhaps you shouldn’t give up too soon.
Consider holding on a little longer: pray and fight it out. Marriage isn’t fireproof, so I’ll say, get your fire extinguisher handy just in case you need to put out some fire. The propensity of a second marriage ending in divorce is significantly higher. Research has shown that over the years. If there’s still a sliver of hope, make it work.
There’s so much to say but let me summarize. I believe you can have it all — both a career and a home. I discovered that the answer is Prioritizing and creating a Balance—which requires skills; because after all said and done, you’ll retire one day from that career. The world will celebrate your success and achievements but they won’t share in your lonely, sad nights; and in some cases, regrets too.
Try not to sponge all your energy and willpower on things that matter the least, so that there is enough left to do the things that matter the most. Prioritize. Know that your family is not just a family but a NATION, a dynasty. When you value your family — your children, from that point of view, you’ll understand that every investment on a child is an investment in a nation. Every child deserves emotional stability. As King Solomon says, out of the heart flows the issues that govern life. Two — one husband, one wife—are better than one. Take my word for it.

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